guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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