What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
