morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
