Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
