he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
