What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
