I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize