I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
