someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
