We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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