Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize