New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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