dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
