I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
