she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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