I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
