A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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