i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
