I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
