he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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