Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So vagazzling was a success
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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