I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
