I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
