So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
