I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
