Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
