I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
