"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
