did you get engaged???
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
