I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
