i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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