Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize