I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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