Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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