woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
