Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
