I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
