if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
