yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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