Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
