I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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