I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
