Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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