No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
fuck your aforementioned shoe
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
