We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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