youre lurking in front of me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
