They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
