i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
