VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
