every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
