He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
