Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
