Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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