Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
