question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
