Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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