I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so let's talk penis.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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