I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
