There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
