How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
