You just made me feel so damn special
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I FOUND THE LEGS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
