Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
