why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
