in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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