I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
