this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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