You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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