When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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