is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
