Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
