matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
