Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
